How long has it been? Too long!
Well…what has lead to the delay…at first it was because I
went on holiday, a lovely two week cruise to Greece, Italy, Croatia &
Montenegro…and when I got back I delayed posting about it because just two
weeks later I was heading to my first cross stitching retreat so thought I would
blog about both on my return…and then I lost my stitchy bug for a couple of
weeks and when it came back I was stitching – I have even managed a small
finish and done some stitching on bigger projects….and then…I was feeling under
the weather, I was quite fatigued – and any of you who have followed this blog
for a while will know that I have Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA) and you can suffer
with fatigue quite a lot. Since I have been on my meds it has lessened but I
have been the worst patient this year and put the fatigue down to that and told
myself to start back on taking my medication regularly – ideally before my next
hospital appointment where I could be a great example of a good patient.
However, I was having nausea too and the thought of swapping the RA side
effects for the hideous medication side effects meant I thought I would tough
it out because…I also had some bloating (not just period bloating) but the kind
that I had when I had an ovarian cyst and so I was wondering if I had another
one…then I had sore boobs and cramping for about three weeks with no period and
that’s when I knew I must be starting the menopause! My mother started in her
late 30s so it is not so unusual.
So before I just started back on my meds (I hadn’t taken
them for a good 6 months), I thought I should make sure that it wasn’t menopause
symptoms. How do you do that? You eliminate all other causes of the symptoms.
So fatigue, nausea, bloating, cramping, sore boobs….hmmmm….any ideas?
Well….I do know that these symptoms can all be a sign of
pregnancy too…however, I am overweight, over 40, I have been told in the past
that I would not conceive without medical intervention, I have only one ovary
remaining since the cyst and that ovary is polysystic…so that is definitely not
an option…but…the brain works in mysterious ways and once I get the idea into
my mind I have to take the test, it used to happen when I was younger, the only
way to get the idea out of my head was to take the test and it would be
negative every time and I’d then get on with eliminating more possibilities.
Well…I walked to a nearby shop during my break at lunchtime
and they sell tests, so I grabbed one and went back to work…peed on the stick…waited
for it to be negative and then…I was sat open mouthed, pulse racing, sweat
across my brow as the test came back positive! Luckily it was a two pack so I
could take the second one and prove it was a false positive….the second test
was also positive! I immediately texted my sister saying OMG! What does this
mean? (she has three kids) and I also texted my boyfriend (another long story),
after returning to my desk I began googling causes of a false positive on a
pregnancy test….menopause (highly likely), Ovarian tumour (definite
possibility), immune system disease (RA!) and so yes, that provided me with
some relief to know that all of those options could be the cause. I had spent
the last 20 years coming to terms with not having children so that was a very
scary thought indeed.
My nest step was to take some more tests and by Friday
morning (4 tests down – all positive), I ran the doctor – but the way it works
where I live is to get a dr’s appointment you need to phone at a certain time
of day, then get interrogated by the self-important receptionist, who then
decides if you can have a call back from the locum doctor, you then answer the
locum doctors questions and they decide whether or not to give you an
appointment. Well I only managed to get to stage one where I speak to a
receptionist who told me if 4 tests were positive then I probably am pregnant
and need to see the midwife and fill in a form. Hmmm. I was not happy with
this, but decided to fill in the form and my sister said I could book an early
scan privately – not they aren’t that cheap but I thought it was a good idea as
I could queue jump, in terms of then knowing it was menopausal or a tumour and
so I booked one (had to wait three days) and filled in the midwife form as I
knew I could cancel.
Fast forward to three days later and I am waiting for the
early scan…I have had both external and internal scans as I had them when I had
previous laparoscopy's etc. so I had managed to drink some water but then had
to go. I got in there and told her my story and she said…none of those reasons
mean you can’t be pregnant. Hmmmm. So I laid back and she checked from the
outside – she said she couldn’t really see much but there was a sac there…wait
what???! So then she says she will have
to do an internal one to get a better look, and that there is a sac there but
quite often this can be from a chemical miscarriage etc. so I was OK and
thought it has to be that then. So I am laying there staring off into the
distance when she says…that there was a sac, fetal pole and something else…but
it was all as it should be for someone approx. 7 weeks pregnant!
So….that happened! Much to my shock and that of my partner
who was also not planning on children and well, we had only been together ten
months at that point.
It has been quite an odd experience and I am currently 17
weeks and 5 days. I am not sure what is going on as I haven’t had an appointment
since seeing the midwife just after 14 weeks…I have an appointment next week to
hear the heartbeat (although I have seen it previously) and then two weeks
after that is the anomaly scan and half way point. It is strange and I am still
finding it all a little surreal and hard to believe. I hope everything is ok in
there, but am not sure how I am supposed to know exactly. I have yet to start
feeling anything (around 18-22 weeks on average for FTMS) and I am not really
showing (due to being bigger to start off with) and I haven’t gained any
weight. So basically it is a waiting game to see….I have had some tests and had
the Nuchal Translucency test – and they have all been fine so far. So its just
a matter of waiting for kicks, popping out and the 20 week scan.
So….that has been quite a roller coaster ride as me and my
partner came to terms with the situation and what we were going to do – we had
already decided we would move in with each other in a couple of years and use
that time to save up to buy some where and for the interim, continue living
with parents and having weekends away…but we have had to speed up that timeline
and are in the process of buying a house. Another huge change! It will mean I
will be living in a market town, and everything will be new to me so that’s going
to be a learning curve with a new house, a new baby and a new town but that’s life!
And so at the risk of boring you even more…I shall end here
and post later this evening with photos from my holiday, the stitch weekend, my finish and my wips….I
definitely should have started this post with are you sitting comfortably…
