The sweat dripped off of her forehead, onto her lap, her
panting began to slow and the shaking had eased, her legs were throbbing still
and who knew how they would feel in the morning.
She caught her breath, and
started to remove her cardigan, she was hot and she couldn’t remember the last
time that she had walked at such a pace, she had been practically running, her
arms swinging, feet pounding the footpath and all in time to the thoughts
racing through her mind.
When she had left her house, she was angry, upset,
frustrated, disappointed and repentant, now after 45 minutes of walking like
her life depended on it, her thoughts had slowed, she was less angry, more
disappointed, reflective and had a brighter outlook.
But it was still there,
all that pain, confusion, hurt, it was still there, just pushed to the back,
right at the back to join all those other times.
The only evidence left was
another brick in the wall that she was slowly building, the wall that kept her
safe from all this pain, the wall she could hide behind, the wall she put up
for all to see, a wall that was strong, solid and unrelenting, a wall that
could withstand any weather.
EDIT: I feel compelled to add a comment here, after having just read the other five sentence fiction pieces, I really just jumped in gung ho style. I should have checked out the other links first! Now I am intimidated and want to retreat back into my fictional closet..but..this is a year with no fear and no regrets, so I will aptly resume my composure and promise to do better next time. And Welcome :)
NO FEAR! NO REGRETS! This is a terrific entry!! I am so happy you've joined the Five Sentence Fiction Crew!!!
ReplyDeleteKudos!!!
hey, thanks! I am nervously excited and looking forward to seeing what I am inspired to write about. Thank you for stopping by and leaving me a comment, they're so rare! lol
ReplyDeleteYou've got the makings of a good story here. Now you just need a little refresher course in sentence structure. If you don't have "Elements of Style" in your bookcase, buy it. http://www.amazon.com/Elements-Style-4th-William-Strunk/dp/0205313426/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1342222171&sr=1-1&keywords=elements+of+style
ReplyDeleteMine is so underlined, highlighted, dog-eared and marked with splashes of coffee, it's barely readable anymore. It's my bible. In this piece, I particularly liked the imagery in the last sentence. I think we can all relate to those walls we've built around ourselves. Good job, Kate.
Hi Jayne, thanks for stopping by and also for the advice - I may need more than a refresher course! lol But you have to start somewhere. And thanks for the kind comment.
ReplyDeleteI really like this! It's such a relatable piece!! Well done :) Thank you for joining us this week for FSF, and I look forward to reading more of your writing.
ReplyDeleteHi Lillie, thank you very much for having me :) and for stopping by.
DeleteI loved this! It's powerful because I think we can all relate to building up those barriers at some time or other. I wonder what will happen when those barriers come down because at some point they will. A very good read, leaving me wanting more!
ReplyDeleteHi Lizzie, thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment, I appreciate it!
ReplyDeleteWow, great writing :) I was going to add that the sentences were abit too long but that was before I found out the whole story's meant to be five sentences. Good job!
ReplyDeleteThanks! I wrote the piece before the prompt and when I saw it I thought it must be fate..lol. But then I had to make it into 5 sentences, and admittedly I was lazy in doing that...but next time I will write a piece explicitly for the five sentence fiction. Thanks for taking the time to comment, you know I love them :), right?!
DeleteI really enjoyed the emotions you were putting across, especially the wall at the end. I've always had one of those protective walls!
ReplyDeleteMe too - I wrote it at a time when I was needing to keep my composure, :), I tend to write in emotions instead of descriptive of environments, but its all good practice. Thank you for stopping by and welcome!
DeleteI read your comment and feel your pain. I often feel that way when reading others FSF but then one time I'll squeeze out one that I love and feel proud of...that's what writing is all about.
ReplyDeleteAs to the story, I felt her pain and understood the wall being built. One bad marriage will do that to you. I enjoyed it and would like to hear more.
It is! and after reading some more, I realised that whilst my writing may improve the style will probably still be me and I am happy with that.
DeleteThank you, I agree!. I hope that there is more, lol.
Thanks again for stopping by and commenting :)
The curve from impulsive action to reasoned composure was nicely drawn here. Liked it.
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteI think most writers feel insecure about their work at some stage or the other... I have my moments too! So you are not alone. Just hang in there and keep writing!
ReplyDeleteWith regards to the story, I felt the inner turmoil and range of emotions... and finally the composure at the end. Nice job!
I think it will be a regular occurrence and anyway, I wouldn't want to start off perfect and have nothing to aim for! lol Thank you for your comment and stopping by.
DeleteYou take us on a journey in your five sentences, a journey we've all made and will make again many times, if we've got the guts. Nicely done.
ReplyDeleteToo true - I think sometimes I do it even before I take a risk. Thanks for your comment and for stopping by.
DeleteLOVE it.... I truly love the way you write... it's like I'm the character and I love that :D
ReplyDeleteThank you Sara!
DeleteThe comments about the way you write are spot on. Great style.
ReplyDeleteAgain, thanks!
DeleteAs usual, right on the money Kate. I've felt those thoughts, certainly not as elegantly, but most of us have suffered those insecurities. The imagery is wonderful. Well done friend.
ReplyDeleteHmm, a lot of 'y's there. :)
Appreciate it all Hap, thank you!
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