17 Jan 2013

Five Sentence Fiction: Forgotten

Five Sentence Fiction: Forgotten

Its been a long time since I participtaed in five sentence fiction and I have missed it. I have a post to write tonight and I need some kick in it so I thought this might help me to focus. Without further ado...

The bench was cold, hard and smooth from constant wear; thousands of people over a hundred years had sat on this bench at Moorecroft train station, just as he was now, and most likely filled with anticipation of their journey or the arrival of a loved one.

His feet barely reached the ground and as he waited he swung his legs back and forth, first the left, then the right, then both together.

He had no concept of time but had sat eagerly awaiting each train, grinning inanely at the fast trains as they whizzed through the station without stopping, and sitting bolt upright to see through the windows to the people on the trains when they stopped there.

Everyday he sat here, hoping she would come, fearing that she wouldnt.

All he knew with any certainty was that war was a terrible thing, that it split families who didnt want to be split, it took people away who didnt want to leave, and it sent children away to safer towns, and it made you pray to never be forgotten.

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16 comments:

  1. Hap's summed it up perfectly! Also you've managed to evoke lots of feeling from few words...I like this!!...:D

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  2. Memories? A glimpse of hope and a terrible time - beautiful writing :)

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    1. I imagine memories for someone. Thank you so much for your kind comments.

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  3. Thought provoking. Nicely done to include a child's viewpoint. :-)

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  4. Really liked this Kate, a child's hope is enduring, beautiful.

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  5. Excellent story, intense! One can easily visualize this little boy waiting and hoping.

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    1. Thank you, I appreciate you taking the time to comment.

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  6. Very evocative story. I loved the middle sentence with the trains whizzing past and the anicipation everytime a train stopped. Great writing!

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  7. Sad and deeply emotive. Makes you hope for the main character too, and want to wait with him! Nicely done.

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    1. We all need a little hope :) thank you

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I really appreciate you taking the time to comment. Spill the beans...

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