Better out than in!

Look at all that potential!?

In my last post I asked the question 'What inspires you?' and thank you to those who took the time to tell me what inspired them.

It occurred to me that I hadn't been that specific in my question, and what I should have said was what inspires you to take action? I think a lot of things give us ideas, and inspiration every day, but very few do affect us enough for us to act on it. I may be wrong.

I am always looking for inspiration, I have family and friends and hobbies that I enjoy and that I find to be inspirational, but very rarely do I act on that, I rather bask in the glory of their amazingness. My inspiration has to come from somewhere inside of me for example;

Sisters (me on the left)

this evening I was at my sisters with my mother and my nieces and me and my sister went into a fit of hysterics about a quite crude joke (email if you want to know it, I won't tell anyone ;) ) but it was one of those moments where it just tickled you. I couldn't stop laughing, and it felt like the laugh was trapped in me - I was literally going..

HA! HA! HA! HA! not even HA! HA!heeheeeheeehheeee

Very loud outbursts of HA!, then me holding onto my stomach, and then me on the floor slapping the carpet! At some point a lot of people would have been in tears - and if I had ever cried from laughter then this would have been it - the laughter subdued but as soon as my sister took a mouthful of coffee, the laugh returned and seeing her trying not to spit coffee all over the place or choke on it actually made me laugh harder! I know, my sense of humour is questionable, but I couldn't stop.

Someone on Twitter gave me a glimpse into a funny story they had of near death by choking whilst laughing - and I thought...I am inspired to blog one of my funny stories....but that is not what has happened, no. I have been inspired to write about inspiration!

Inspiration doesn't come from anywhere else but from inside of yourself and sometimes it is easy to forget that you are someone else's inspiration and most importantly your own. It is empowering to think that but I often feel like I am letting myself down, that I am not acting enough on instinct, that I should know what my aspirations are, where I see myself in 10 years and what I want to do with my life.

It is my birthday in 2.5 weeks and every year I go through this, this self-analysis, this scavenger hunt of my soul, my mind and my motivation - clinging always to the hope that I will see my future in myself. Another year older, another year wiser but never any wiser about me. I am going to be (take a big breath) 36 years old. I can't believe it myself. I really can't. I also still feel about twenty-something. Kind people tell me I still look twenty-something but my brain tells me that isn't the case! I look at people in their late teens & early twenties and think how young they are, yet I still remember what it was like to be that age and how I felt so very mature back then. Its strange what time does to you? I think its a rather cruel trick.

Old and Wise

But the point here, I'm pretending that there is one, is that for as long as I can remember I have never really known what I wanted to do career wise, and here I am at the end of a contract, almost another year older and still asking myself 'What do I want to do?' For me, it is absolutely infuriating. I want to bang my head against the wall and maybe scream a little but that won't help. I give great advice to others but it never seems to work on self-application. One of the comments on the previous blog suggested that I am at a point in my life when I can create the job I want - I loved that quote - but what is it I want to create, what type of job? I have spent 30 years cultivating a wall made of what if's and i don't knows and endorsed a daily ritual of telling myself it exists.

I wonder if anyone has an extra extra large sledgehammer I could borrow? Or maybe you had a similar situation? Or were at a point in your life, where it had all seemed to come to a stop and you had to plan a new route? Have you any pearls of wisdom to offer? Are you willing to give me a slap?

P.S If you are on Twitter and feeling brave then please follow me :) @Dekeboo