I have decided to participate in this month’s Insecure
Writers Support Group and have written or attempted to write about how the
arts/creative industries are very insecure places and a few reasons why I think
this based on my own personal experiences.
At some time around the end of 2010 I stumbled upon the
website of HitRECord, this is a collaborative production company set up by the
actor Joseph Gordon-Levitt (who from this moment forward shall be referred to
as Jo-Go), at the time he had recorded a short video where he spoke about the reasons
for the project and what he hoped to achieve by it in both the short and long
term.
Since then HitRecord.org has gone from strength to strength
and you can see by how much in the clip below:
I didn’t contribute any records during my time on the site,
and I didn't participate in the forums, and this was for two very different
reasons; identifying with the arts and hypocrisy.
At the time, I wasn't writing and I hadn't begun blogging
either, and I was still very much firmly rooted in the sciences and that
mentality. Thinking back now I wonder if this was that pivotal moment, I didn't
feel able to contribute to the project and eventually decided to explore craft
related blogs and subsequently set up my own: Momuboocrea Island, it may have been the moment when I decided I wanted to play with the other kids but had no toys to share with them.
I didn't contribute. Don’t get me wrong, I did want to contribute,
I just didn't feel able to at the time and
I was also annoyed by some of the attitudes I noticed in the community (purely
my issue and not theirs).
So, back to 2010, and the main reason I didn't contribute
was because I didn't feel that I had anything to contribute. I looked at the
work of those who were contributing and at the time they were what I considered
to be ‘proper’ arty people, those who had spent their lives drawing or dancing
or singing or writing, these were the people who came out of the womb knowing
that they wanted to create and in which medium they wanted to do that in. Or at
least to me that was how it seemed and I felt like a fraud, just waiting for
someone to say ‘You don’t belong here’.
This is something that contributes to insecurity issues and that feeling that you're an impostor. It is something that I have felt rather strongly since I have attempted to be a part of the writing community. I am aware that my apprehension could also have contributed to this in both cases too.
So in 2010 again, and although, Jo-Go’s updates were warm and welcoming, and forum
messages/feedback to others was always very encouraging and supportive (for the
most part) it still felt to me (as a non-artiste) to be very clicky and reminiscent
of a first day in a new job in an industry you know nothing about, where you
want to be involved but you have no resource bank to draw from or knowledge
about what’s going on and I found this to be quite intimidating and I was crippled by it at that point in time.
Writer groups also have this dynamic, but as my confidence
in my writing has grown I do feel more comfortable, but that feeling of being outside the window looking in is still there.
Where were we? Oh yes, 2010, and there was another aspect that made me apprehensive about contributing, and this was that the few animations,
videos etc. that had been completed at that time were very much in a particular
style. I don’t know if this is still the case but I am very much the type of
person who is comfortable in mainstream design with original ideas and they
seemed to have a very ‘art student’ style with kooky ideas. The end product was
good but I knew then that I wouldn't be able to create something that would fit
with this image that they had developed and I guess I quite before I started. Even in retrospect I know that had I
been writing at that time, my stories or poetry would not be a good fit, and it’s
a shame as I would have liked to have been involved.
This is also something that I have noticed when reading the
works of writers in certain groups and especially in some of the flash fiction competitions,
that they have a collective taste/style and I don’t feel that I can emulate
that enough to fit in.
Now, a big reason that I wanted to be involved in HitRECord
was because I believe that we are all equal, and all our ideas are worthy of
being seen/heard, and I liked the idea of open creative resources. This idea
appealed to me and still does. And a big reason as to why I want to be involved
in writing groups is because I think there is so much knowledge and inspiration
that can be shared and doesn't necessarily require my input in order for me to
feel involved or to benefit/learn from it and I feel that now, 18 months on, I have something more to offer.
The second reason that I was put off HitRECord was to do
with the forums, and some of the comments that were made to people who were
using them, which I found to be unnecessary.
You see, I am sure that when Jo-Go founded the production
company he was aware of his public image and his popularity at that
time, and there is no doubt in my mind that he was the face of the organisation in order
to raise awareness and to get people to contribute.
However, a few people would
join and then post a message of mush about how much they loved Jo-Go and his
work on the forum, and some of the existing members saw it as their duty to
reprimand them and this I believe was wrong. These people may have come to the
site because of Jo-Go but they may stay because of its ethos and because of
their talents and what they could offer. I regularly saw a comment along the
lines of ‘if you have come here just because you think it will get you close to
Joe then you need to leave now as you are sorely mistaken’ although they said
this rather more crudely. I think it was naive of them to say that and to their detriment, as how did they
find out about the site originally? Oh what’s that? Through Jo-Go’s twitter
feed? Fanclub? Etc. I hate hypocrisy.
Writers groups differ in this matter, generally speaking, and the
writers always seem very supportive to one another, my only apprehension is
that its all lip service and nothing more. I wish there was a forum or group where people provided constructive criticism or feedback that panders less to ego but supports and encourages instead. If you know of one that exists and accepts slightly cynical newbies then let me know!
What I am trying to say is that everyone has to start somewhere
and whether it’s at 5 years old or 50 years old its value isn't any less. Share
your ideas and don’t be intimidated by others. Don’t intimidate others.
Remember that your ideas are as good as the next persons and opinions are
individual and a negative comment shouldn't be taken as a personal vendetta
against you. Turn all negativity around. Embrace the positive. But most
importantly, write because it makes you happy and fake it till you make it!
