May at last...time for some waffle...

So its May...I know this because I have two calendars on my desk. One is purely functional and the other is aesthetic. I have another calendar at home which I am so tempted to bring in and add but people might think it a little odd!

I don't know what my obsession is with them, and diaries because I don't write a diary, I have always wanted to and on occasion when packing up to move or spring cleaning I have come across an old diary which starts off well...and about four days in I have completely abandoned it. I don't think I have consciously stopped writing it, its just not become a habit for me, and I have forgotten that I was ever writing one.

I have a bad memory and often wonder if I had been able to keep a journal/diary then they would be a pretty fun read...ok, not entirely fun/interesting but every year that passes has some kind of adventure or catastrophe or drama.

Do you keep a diary/journal? Have you also got a calendar obsession?

I actually do have two calendars that I have kept which I still use - and they are purely for the eye candy. Sadly the actor who the calendars are for has not done any in recent years,not since he went to Hollywood. **sigh** I think he has popped up on a couple of TV shows but I wish he would do another calendar! lol

I think my enjoyment of calendars, diaries, schedulers etc. has to do with the  fact that I often worry a lot about time, about making the most of the little time we have, about achieving certain things each year, or targeting myself to reach a goal by a particular birthday and also by obsessing about the time I have wasted doing nothing when I could have been doing something.

I know I can't be alone in this....can I? Anyone....anyone....

I am actually very bad at reaching personal goals...and I have listened to a 101 TED talks to see if they can shed any light on this..I listened to someone talking about introverts but I never discovered that there was any reason that would hold me back, I listened to someone talking about failing and embracing your failures and how she had hers - and although I could relate to her and what she was saying about her own life and ...i really do need to find a link to it....one sec....I couldnt find THE link as that would be too easy...but you too can distract yourself form what you are doing by clicking on the link below...

Procrastinate here!

...I have a shorter attention span than she does! Well done if you managed to match up both parts of that sentence! :)

I can plan the hell out of stuff, I am a pro at it, research it all and everything, but that moment when the plan switches from plan to action is much tougher and is something I really struggle with, and if I do get propelled forward into action...I am then at risk of never getting it finished! 

This is the weirdest thing to me, or at least it was till I started writing this sentence and realisation fell atop my bonce, I was about to say it was weird because as a child and young adult my mothers advice to me has always been to see things through to the end, to not be a quitter, so when I wanted to stop doing A'levels because I wasn't really happy with them - she told me to see them through and then decide what I wanted to do. I saw them through and then got swept up in the next stage. And when I wanted to quit Uni because I really wasn't sure it was for me...I saw it through to the end... As a temp, I start a contract and even if everyday I get up and want to gouge my eyes out, I think, I will see it through to the end and then decide.

The realisation that I just had was that, the things that I feel are entirely within my control, like hobbies, interests, exercise etc. are the things that I will start and drop as soon as I think I don't like it any more or maybe in fear of not liking it, I never start. And the things that I feel are out of my control, such as work, I just persevere with and get on with it.

Wow! Who knew that I would teach myself something today! 

I also think that maybe that's why I remain a temp, only committing for short amounts of time so that I can then change my mind if I want to....I guess I have a fear of being trapped or stuck yet I have been working at the same company for the past 7 years...hmmmm....

I guess I need to self-solve this...where to start...let me make a plan...any advice? Would you try to change your attitude or would you just stay as you are?