28 Feb 2013

Five Sentence Fiction: EMPTY for Hap

Today is a good friend of mines birthday. I met him on Twitter and you may have seen his comments on my previous posts. He is a lovely person, always kind, always caring and always there for a friend in need. He has recently started writing too and has a blog which you must chek out here.

So in honour of him I am dedicating this weeks Five Sentence Fiction to him, the word Lillie gave us was EMPTY and I asked Hap for a genre and he chose whodunit. This isnt quite a whodunit and I have been creative with my sentences but I hope you dont mind too much!


Hap was feeling tense as he clenched his jaw, held his breath and ever so slowly reached an arm out from his hiding place under the desk and fumbled around for the envelope he knew to be there.

It was the final piece in the puzzle, he knew the photograph inside would lead him to the birthday suit murderer who had been terrorising the town of Texarkana.

The corner of the envelope tickled his fingertips and he needed a little more reach, biting on his lip as he stretched further, he finally had a hold, clinging tightly he grabbed it to him and tore it open.

Hap was determined to catch the killer and as he opened the envelope he didn’t hear the office door, his full attention focussed on its contents or lack thereof as he was surprised to find the envelope was empty.

‘Looking for something?’ a voice said from above him, Hap looked up and was greeted with the barrel of the gun, it was the killer on the other end who flung back his head in a cackle of venom fuelled laughter, at which point Hap saw his moment to save the town and pulled out the revolver he kept in his sock and shot him dead.

34 comments:

  1. Excellent! As always a lot said without a lot being written...well done Kate!.... *whispers* maybe we should make Hap a Hero Suit in lycra......lol

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    1. hahah! I think he might like that! thanks Lynn...I am still waiting nervously to see if he likes it.

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  2. love it! I am sure Hap will too.:-)

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    1. Thanks...no twists! no surprise endings! Haps a hero :) lol!

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  3. That was great Kate - I'm sure Haps will be happy to be the hero.

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    1. ps - can you add a link to Haps blog so we can check it out - thanks :)

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    2. Have done...and I'm sure he will too! lol

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  4. LOPL Kate, excellent. So I pulled my gun out of my sock! LOPL You're so funny! Really, I enjoyed that immensely. Thank you so much. The mayor thanks you, the police chief thanks you. I think you've got a lot of talent sis!

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    1. Haha! Phew! I am sooo relieved you liked it, and tell the Mayor and the Police Chief (Tom Selleck, right?) that no problem.
      I thought the gun in the sock would explain the funny walk?!

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  5. Brilliant! What a lovely birthday present!!! Even better than cake! HB Hap!

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    1. Thanks Carol, I am just glad he liked it. Not sure its better than cake ;)

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  6. I will join those who have already said it, Brilliant - and I chuckled too! Great ending!

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  7. Well done on a great little story!

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  8. Definitely a reversal of the saying, "Come into my parlor," said the spider to the fly. Here the fly has unintentionally waited for his "prey" to come to him.

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    1. Very much so! Thank you for taking the time to stop by.

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  9. I love reading your stories, I've awarded you the Liebster award. Information is on my blog :)

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    1. Hi Emma,Thank you! I shall pop over and check it out :)

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  10. Ha ha, loved the third sentence... Great description and it played out like a movie clip Kate!

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    1. Thanks Lisa....oh the drama of it all! Lol

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  11. Great mini mystery. I guess the birthday suit murderer was not carrying a concealed weapon.

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    1. Hahah! I'm only glad that Hap was the one, I can't imagine what his view was.

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  12. Good thing Hap wasn't wearing his birthday suit, that sock holster came in mighty handy!! A fun read, totally enjoyed it!

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    1. lol! that would be hilarious...whats that quote...to catch a killer you must become the killer! A naked hero chasing a naked killer....sounds so funny!

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  13. Oh how the evil laugh is the villains last laugh. A wonderfully, witty tale. x

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  14. Ah, I was thinking the same think as Lizzie! It's a perfect ending how the villain has that last evil laugh before Hap gets the best of him. Fantastic :)

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    1. Thanks Lillie, your prompts are so good that they never fail to inspire me!

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  15. This is really good, a mini story told well and entertaining to boot !

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    1. Thank you Mary, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

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  16. A great story.
    A 'birthday suit murderer' now there's an image! So glad he's no longer around.

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    1. yep! me too...although I would have been more concerned had I lived in Texarkana!

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